All I want to happen is for that stupid boy to realize what he is doing to me. He talks about her in front of me like it is no big deal but i cannot even tell him because i do not want things to change between us. I have told him before that I have feelings for him but he does not even seem to care one bit. Now it is all about that girl, just that girl. I HATE IT! All i have ever wanted was to be just as important as any other person in his life. My friends tell me that he is not worth the pain and suffering he puts me through and i am starting to realize that maybe they are right. I loved being in Jamaica and not having to deal with him and everything but i missed him almost everyday. But it also made me realize that maybe I do not need him as much as i thought. It does not help that he is my best friend and i want him in my life no matter what. I just wish i did not like him like i did so i can just move on and say yes to the boys who actually care for me. I have guys like Matt that will take care of me forever but i just cant seem to let go of Trevor and i do not understand why. But i will soon have to decide who i want and separate the pros from cons. Trust me, i know that Trevor has a lot more cons than pros but i love the kid, unfortunately. I Just want all this to end. Right now.
I have decided that i am going to change my ways and delete the people from my life that cause me to do bad things and get me into trouble because it is not going to help me later on in life. Do not get me wrong i had some great times with my friends but i just cannot risk getting in a lot of trouble since i signed and am gonna go play ball. I cannot lose my scholarship because we do not have the money to just send me to college. So looks like i will be changing my ways and starting all over. I just want to be happy again so i am going to try my best to make that happen.
Previous PostsNew Beginning but Still the Same Feelings.., posted November 28th, 2012
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